The direction of my spiritual ambivalence is being resolved. God in his faithful way shows me again my healing is complete through Him. My stuff keeps bubbling up and He and I deal with it; I am not as gentle with myself as He is but I trust that will come as healing continues.
No ways, I had an epiphany. Well, maybe not so much an epiphany as a genuine moment of acceptance. A new level of accepting that I can’t do this "above all else guard your heart, for it is the well spring of life" ( Proverbs 4:23) without God. The epiphany is (was) though I want to be the one in charge of my heart, I don’t really do a good job of protecting it but maybe He would.
We read a verse during the week of our study and it has NOT left my thoughts: "God has set eternity in the human heart" (Ecclesiastes 3:11). Not only do I search for eternity in things outside of God but I attempt to make the things close to my heart eternal. Wow, what a concept. The desires I have that do not include God don’t make me this horrible, unworthy daughter because that is the inclination of my heart. God in His loving wanting of me wants to not only protect my heart’s desires for the eternal but He also asked me to consider adding Him to list of desires!
How is it that He asks me to love him?
The Bible tells me (paraphrased) that my heart, the wellspring of life, was fearfully and wonderfully and carefully and thoughtfully designed to love the greatest and grandest of beings. My heart was designed to love God. I am stepping into a new level of my trust in God. Could He possible care that much – I am beginning to think so and it is humbling.
To guard this heart we must direct this wellspring to that which it is designed to love. It is not ultimately designed for anything LESS than The Eternal. To direct this pulsating passion to little things is not guarding our hearts but frustrating our hearts. "More!"our hearts rightfully beat. I was designed for The Eternal! Don’t ruin me with little things. Guard me. Protect me. Care for me. Guard me, protect me and care for me by setting me free and letting me RUN TO THE ONLY GOD grand enough and great enough to bring me ultimate satisfaction.
"Run to God"
"Run to God" That statement brings tears to my eyes…run to God, running to God.
I am running to God.
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