Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Perfect through Suffering
I sit by invitation with men and women that have experienced soul damaging abuse. Gut wrenching stories pour out of the basement of their tender shattered hearts. It is more than horrific how common these stories are; each week, each month and each year they sound different but the remaining damage and despair does not. I've heard a dear friend describe it as an unzipping of one's soul in effort to allow the black slug to ooze out, forever out.
A key to healing is a willingness to feel the pain, experience it and allow Jesus to bear it....instead pain has became the enemy.
I know God sees His children in pain as I watch them wrestle to untangle shame from their Righteousness. I sit quietly as my Spirit matches His gentle groans; his desires to be trusted, His yearning to provide safe comfort and his eagerness to show his children that HE IS DIFFERENT from what they've experienced.
God your tenderness amazes me.
She was 19 when she first said no to her father's sexual advances, never knowing him as anything other than a lover.
He was 11 when the intensity of his shame sent him to explore his little sister's body.
She was 9 when her bully baited her into the house where 2 others wait to rape her.
His love.
I spent years pouring my own dark reality out, clinging to the Cross and in turn receiving comfort and redemption like only He can do. Because of Jesus our pain has a place to go and we too are made perfect in our long suffering, raised in his love better able to love as He does.
Love is GENTLE, PATIENT, KIND and HUMBLE
Love ALWAYS protects, ALWAYS trusts, ALWAYS hopes and ALWAYS preserves.
God I claim your Glory for the willing, especially the fearfully willing.
God never stop knocking on the door of our heart's basement.
God hold the seen & unseen damage of these men and women.
God bless their courage with your tangible presence.
God make these stories beautiful with your love that never ends.
God restore your children for your kingdom belongs to them.
Bound to Jesus
Raised in love
Used for His good
Monday, April 2, 2012
A Living Sacrifice
It’s hard to grab a full experience with God in words…especially when it comes to the way His love redeems our brokenness and lifts us up with His Glory!
The way I show up for others continues to change, to grow, to mature....I believe its referred to as santification.
I know the Amy that worked SO hard as a young adult to be enough for others, enough for God, enough to be accepted, enough to be loved, enough to be worth something to Him or anybody for that matter. When those efforts proved futile and exhausting I stopped trying and instead I fed off of any form of love I could find. Years afterwards when my misery and shame where bigger than the broken love I was receiving He was kind enough to expose His voice and heart in my desperation. His bid caused this cripple to run.
So I came home, a prodigal, and was embraced by His amazing love. I walked for years unaware of most things because I was so aware of God’s attention towards me. His love was really all I knew. I existed as a beautiful daughter of the King because I saw and existed in His love for me, in our love for each other. This is the heart I took into leadership.
My inner “older brother” came to a head several months ago as God walked me through our reunion almost 8 years ago. My heart begin to melt as He gave me the vision of our reunion
Me – crawling in shame, desperate and dying
Him – crawling in humility, desperate for His daughter's return.
I watched God (my Father) willing to be on His knees so I would know I was not alone in my mess; so I would know His love was gentle. He was willing to be as small as I felt.
In the midst of this tender moment God revealed the older brother that I’ve come to be; expectant, self sufficient, controlling and anxious. I watched and was broken by my new idol - leadership….a conviction that put me next to both of them in the dirt….in the dirt with my prodigal self and the grace-filled Father; it was a vision of love that brought my heart right to the surface. A reality I have been building my riches in what I can do for Him,instead of Him.
I placed my role in leadership back on His altar and in exchange he's raised the volume of my heart, given back permission for it's tenderness, compassion and empathy.
God, you are always good.
The way I show up for others continues to change, to grow, to mature....I believe its referred to as santification.
I know the Amy that worked SO hard as a young adult to be enough for others, enough for God, enough to be accepted, enough to be loved, enough to be worth something to Him or anybody for that matter. When those efforts proved futile and exhausting I stopped trying and instead I fed off of any form of love I could find. Years afterwards when my misery and shame where bigger than the broken love I was receiving He was kind enough to expose His voice and heart in my desperation. His bid caused this cripple to run.
So I came home, a prodigal, and was embraced by His amazing love. I walked for years unaware of most things because I was so aware of God’s attention towards me. His love was really all I knew. I existed as a beautiful daughter of the King because I saw and existed in His love for me, in our love for each other. This is the heart I took into leadership.
My inner “older brother” came to a head several months ago as God walked me through our reunion almost 8 years ago. My heart begin to melt as He gave me the vision of our reunion
Me – crawling in shame, desperate and dying
Him – crawling in humility, desperate for His daughter's return.
I watched God (my Father) willing to be on His knees so I would know I was not alone in my mess; so I would know His love was gentle. He was willing to be as small as I felt.
In the midst of this tender moment God revealed the older brother that I’ve come to be; expectant, self sufficient, controlling and anxious. I watched and was broken by my new idol - leadership….a conviction that put me next to both of them in the dirt….in the dirt with my prodigal self and the grace-filled Father; it was a vision of love that brought my heart right to the surface. A reality I have been building my riches in what I can do for Him,instead of Him.
I placed my role in leadership back on His altar and in exchange he's raised the volume of my heart, given back permission for it's tenderness, compassion and empathy.
God, you are always good.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)