I am fearfully and wonderfully made. And the God of the Heavens is the one who fashioned me together. He knows my name and He knows every single thing there is to know about me. He's made me a promise: for those that trust in him he will literally hold is in HIS hand and carry me all the days of my life.
I dont see what God is doing.
I dont understand what the plan is
but I tell you one thing
I am not going to give up on God.
I'm gonna stand right here
in the middle of this moment
and I'm gonna trust
that God is sitting on a throne,
that he has a purpose for my life
and a plan for my life
and I believe Im gonna
see the goddness of God
in the land of the livng
and I'm not going to stop believing
in that no matter what.
God shows me and tells me "even when you let go of me I'm not gonna let go of you, ever."
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Friday, May 9, 2008
Rest for my soul
I struggle with the idea that God accepts me for who and where I am at this moment. My fear of disappointing Him has been hushed with a peace only He could provide. He offers me rest. I find myself comfortable with the silence as He draws me near.
I am able to turn my head off and listen to Him; neither of us say much and the silence is comforting. How can I stay in this moment for eternity?
I have taken the first steps today- I have written down my desires and wants. I am comfortable with me acknowledging them (without offering them); letting Him listen.
I am able to turn my head off and listen to Him; neither of us say much and the silence is comforting. How can I stay in this moment for eternity?
I have taken the first steps today- I have written down my desires and wants. I am comfortable with me acknowledging them (without offering them); letting Him listen.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Matthew 6:34
A continuatual conversation of my inability to see, accept and trust God as a protector verified a list of fears and desires that I don’t entrust or express to God; ironically He knows them all. A reality that leaves me feeling uncomfortable exposed.
Isn’t the expression of one’s desires presented with the hope and trust that God will embrace and value those desires; even fulfill them? What are the first steps to trust that? All I hear are the religious tapes scrolling “Thy will be done”… That’s a triggering statement.
He wants so desperately for me to trust in Him and it breaks my heart that I can not or will not. The formula I search for does not exist.
How do I release the bondage of worrying about tonight, tomorrow and the days to follow?
Isn’t the expression of one’s desires presented with the hope and trust that God will embrace and value those desires; even fulfill them? What are the first steps to trust that? All I hear are the religious tapes scrolling “Thy will be done”… That’s a triggering statement.
He wants so desperately for me to trust in Him and it breaks my heart that I can not or will not. The formula I search for does not exist.
How do I release the bondage of worrying about tonight, tomorrow and the days to follow?
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
The balance of authenticity
The voice of God is never condemning (Rom. 8:1), never harsh or accusing. His conviction brings a desire for repentance; Satan’s accusation kills our hearts (2 Cor. 7:10).
This is a reminder that God’s way of pulling me toward Him is never harsh or shame filled. I don’t get this “God’s love” thing. My biggest struggle is allowing God to define Himself to me. I put Him on the same level of those that have/have not loved me in the past.
I don’t tolerate myself very well not sure how or why He continues. The list of ways I must disappoint Him is tremendous and the fact that I willfully ignore His desires for me in front of others feels humiliating.
The thing I hoped to live above has become my reality; disappointing others, God and myself. My own thought process and attempt to accept God’s love works against me as I use it to justify that my unmet desires are undeserving. I beg God to show me His voice is not condemning or harsh – because mine is. He shows and tells me He loves me and He will never leave yet I try to prove Him wrong. I must wear Him out, lol!
A repentant heart (be careful what you pray for) has left my heart broken and fearful. My mental tapes tell me asking forgiveness is meaningless if the behavior doesn’t change, I am sure God is not as intolerant.
Living openly and authentically before others includes the ‘not perfect’ sides of Amy that I wish no one, not even God, had to see. I have a deep desire to make who He is a real part of who I am. I don’t so much fear your judgment of God because of my actions; I know He is bigger than my faults. I am however disappointed that I did not always behave as one that loves God with all her heart, mind and body.
This is a reminder that God’s way of pulling me toward Him is never harsh or shame filled. I don’t get this “God’s love” thing. My biggest struggle is allowing God to define Himself to me. I put Him on the same level of those that have/have not loved me in the past.
I don’t tolerate myself very well not sure how or why He continues. The list of ways I must disappoint Him is tremendous and the fact that I willfully ignore His desires for me in front of others feels humiliating.
The thing I hoped to live above has become my reality; disappointing others, God and myself. My own thought process and attempt to accept God’s love works against me as I use it to justify that my unmet desires are undeserving. I beg God to show me His voice is not condemning or harsh – because mine is. He shows and tells me He loves me and He will never leave yet I try to prove Him wrong. I must wear Him out, lol!
A repentant heart (be careful what you pray for) has left my heart broken and fearful. My mental tapes tell me asking forgiveness is meaningless if the behavior doesn’t change, I am sure God is not as intolerant.
Living openly and authentically before others includes the ‘not perfect’ sides of Amy that I wish no one, not even God, had to see. I have a deep desire to make who He is a real part of who I am. I don’t so much fear your judgment of God because of my actions; I know He is bigger than my faults. I am however disappointed that I did not always behave as one that loves God with all her heart, mind and body.
Monday, May 5, 2008
WHO HE IS
The following was sent to me from a dear Christian friend. In her own journey her heart opens to a perfect Heavenly Father through the words of a daily message she receives. The below was a small part of the daily message she sent me a couple weeks ago it still ministers to me. God still uses it to remind me of the Father He is and the desire He has to prove His gentleness to me.
________
Any “word” or suggestion that brings discouragement, condemnation, accusation—that is not from God. Neither is confusion, nor any counsel that would lead you to disobey what you do know. Reject it all, and carry on in your journey. Yes, of course, God needs to convict us of sin, warn us of wrong movements in the soul
—but the voice of God is never condemning (Rom. 8:1), never harsh or accusing.
His conviction brings a desire for repentance; Satan’s accusation kills our hearts (2 Cor. 7:10).
_______
________
Any “word” or suggestion that brings discouragement, condemnation, accusation—that is not from God. Neither is confusion, nor any counsel that would lead you to disobey what you do know. Reject it all, and carry on in your journey. Yes, of course, God needs to convict us of sin, warn us of wrong movements in the soul
—but the voice of God is never condemning (Rom. 8:1), never harsh or accusing.
His conviction brings a desire for repentance; Satan’s accusation kills our hearts (2 Cor. 7:10).
_______
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