Not "me trying harder" but N E W

I am basking in this God that has been chasing after my heart this week. Last night I did some yard work and various (normal) weekend chores and it just felt good to be me. To emotionally recognize and embrace who I am (in Christ), that I am NEW (not just the old Amy trying harder).

I don’t know what it looks like. I don’t know if it’s a life long struggle or eventually achieved through His given desires but I long to completely surrender to God. To be this new creationg. I want Him to have all of me and I want it to have happened yesterday.


The words of the David Crowder song really touched my heart. I heard the tremendous love this Creator has for us and I am baffled by it. I love when connections are made…and my heart TRUSTS them. The song You're Everything says:
If I could see you want me
Could I believe?
If I could just feel your touch
Could I be free?
Why do you shine so? So the blind can see?
Can the deaf hear the voice of love?
Are you the one?

Blah, blah, blah….

You’re everything
I can just feel your touch
and I can't breathe
And how you shine so
the blind can see
and how you call out
you beckon me
the deaf hear the voice of love
you bid me come
and the cripple run

So raise me up
from this grave
you touch my tongue
and then I'll say:
Heal my limbs
and joyfully I'll run to you

I have grown to love David Crowder's music cause I often read his lyrics and relate to his questions, then I long for the answers he found or they validate my experience as well. I so often find myself blind and deaf to God but His glory shines bright enough for me to see it, His love is LOUD enough for my deaf ears to hear and His call is so strong how can I but RUN into his arms. All of these actions above and beyond the desires and ability of my flesh. It just validates that I am HIS creation for all He is draws me near to him.

Mercy, mercy, mercyme

I had the most amazing experience praying last Tuesday night. As I spoke to God, I imagined Him on His throne and I had my own little moment of worshiping (and recognizing) God for ALL He is. I quickly realized the only way I am able to approach the throne of this perfect, loving creator of the Heaven’s and earth is through the sacrifice of His son, Jesus. I saw Jesus standing next to the throne as He did to welcome Stephan into Heaven and I felt the profound love of the Son of God. He was standing while I was worshipping His Father. I was emotionally overwhelmed by the fact that Jesus loves that I love His father. His sacrifice brought me to God; in Him I am enough. My heart absorbed the reality of Jesus living as a man sacrificing all he knew, with the goal of bringing US back to God. Jesus walked this earth knowing that He was not here for Himself. He was not here to enjoy a life on earth. Jesus was here to introduce God’s heart to us in the flesh and to bring us back to Him.

LOL – I don’t even remember what I said to God or Jesus at that moment, the power of His presence was healing as if God relieved me of my own words. I do remember the bottom dropping out (rain), running to let the dogs in and returning to my room to find Carlie laying in my tears on the carpet as if she wanted some of God too.

I heard Bart (we are on a first name bases) of Mercy Me discuss the writing of this song, Unaware. He described it as a realization of God and the love they shared for one another, likening it to the obsessive feeling of a new love; unaware of all that surrounds us. It reminded me of words I heard in my small group last night. I immediately put my own words to this thought so I don’t remember exactly how it was said. What I remember was “feeling God’s peace in the storms of this life, not as if we float above them but because we are so deeply grounded in relationship with Christ.” Specially this line “unaware of my fears, unaware of my shame…..unaware of everything knowing You’re aware of me.”
I want a man that loves God with this much passion!

Unaware by Mercy Me:

Forgive me if I stare
But I am taken back
That You would let me here
Regardless of my past
Oh my hands are shaking now
But I catch my breathe somehow
Oh, I am free at last

Tell me how I got here
I couldn't make it on my own
Just tell me I can stay
Cause it feels so much like home
And I lose all track of time
When I look into Your eyes
Your love is all I know

Chorus:
Unaware of my fears
Unaware of my shame
Nothing else matters here
But glorifying Your name
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me
I'm aware I'm in a place I couldn't be
If You weren't there to call my name and rescue me

I'm unaware that I still breathe
Unaware of everything
Knowing You're aware of me