My prior week included a few days of isolation sprinkled with a few attempts to reach out but nothing authentic; I was hiding. The gift I'd receive to truly and intimately receive the Lord suddenly felt too close and I began to turn it off. Before I knew it, Sunday was coming and I had nothing left to offer. Several days of turning away from the gift I'd received, several days of running from what had become intensly intimate, several days of living on my own strength left me empty and in fear on the day I needed Him the most. I spent all day Sunday in fear and shame.
I knew the truth but could only heard the lies, a battle to replace one for the other is not won in a day or a week but in extended time alone with Him. Just this morning God led me to this
I will always show you where to go. I’ll give you a full life in the emptiest of places-firm muscles, strong bones. You’ll be like a well-watered garden, a gurgling spring that never runs dry. You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. You’ll be known as those who can fix anything, restore old ruins, rebuild and renovate, make the community livable again. [The Message, Isaiah 58 11-12]
In fear I turned away from my new deeper intimacy of our relationship and He pursued me. He tells me "I will always show you where to go" and He satisfies me "I'll give you a full life in the emptiest of places" and He protects my future with "firm muscles, strong bones." He gives encouragement to what I know He's called me to do "You’ll use the old rubble of past lives to build anew, rebuild the foundations from out of your past. "
I admit I crave His love for me and I fear His love for me. Its intensity is refreshing, its availability is unfailing and its condition is limitless...it is the purest of love. When I found myself empty, alone and without the One that so freely gives to me I feel lost. God, on the other hand found a great opportunity to show me His wisdom, unconditional love and understanding in the place I hid, in the wisdom I lacked.
I fell deaf, He spoke louder
I left, He followed
I cowered, He sent a friend
I returned, He embraced
I complained, He listened
I felt shame, He washed me
I received, He annointed
He knows what I need to hear, I just have to listen when He is speaking. I have found stability in the fact that I dont deserve God's unfailing love, His embrace, the comfort of His affection and therefore I can NEVER do anything to lose it.
Receiving is the hardest thing for me to learn. However, it doesn't seem to matter how many times I push Him away, He continues to run after me as if I am the only one He loves. I dont get it but I am getting that I dont have to 'get it' just 'receive it.'
yours truly, Gomer
1 comment:
..."a battle to replace one for the other is not won in a day or a week but in extended time alone with Him."
So true. And while our battle with the world rages on, what a comfort to know that the WAR has already been won. Truth perseveres and goes before us.
Fear calls us to trust. To trust that the One who gave Moses a voice will give you wisdom and words. To trust that the One who gave David strength will overcome the giant in front of you.
Amy, you are gifted and well equipped for this service. He has called you and changed you and shown you how to receive. The enemy wants you to keep your hands in your pockets. Open your arms wide!
Satan cannot be given a foothold against this ministry. I will be praying against his attacks as you move boldly into the weeks ahead. Stay alert! And keep your arms outstretched so He can pour in to you again and again.
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