Out of the kitchen...at His feet

It has been almost a year since I've blogged the evidence of God's grace in my fumbling; its not that it hasn't continued but the rate in which God has called me close leaves little room for pause/writing. I am a growing soul in His ripe soil!
Anything that blocks our hearts from freedom to respond to Him breaks His heart; it doesn't set well with Him. All the Lord desires is our response. He delights when His children respond to Him. Most times we aren't taught how to truly and deeply respond to the intimacy of others. We add surfaced emotions, acceptable expressions and religious behavior to make up for what lacks in the deepest parts of our soul; the ability to be our true selves. Fortunately because God is God He requires little of me.
Response requires vulnerability, receipt of one’s initiation and allows for control. Even in my Christian culture a woman's ability to do is valued over receiving, being and responding. We are given our sense of worth and value before we can even speak - it is a gift from our Mother's response to our needs and wants. Somewhere in the midst of an incredibly attentive and affectionate mother I missed this. I learned that my value (as a woman) came not from receiving but from performing. I became an aggressive initiator instead of an open receiver.
I struggle as a Christian woman and leader. I struggle with the false truth that I am worthy because I serve others. The "you are worthy" message I long to hear hasn't been coming from the Lord in the past its come from doing. However, I serve a God much larger than my brokenness.
Why is it that He is always with us, knows everything about us and never leaves us? Because He created us and He responds to us. Psalm 139 reminds us of who we are - not the sum of who we are. The fact that I am wonderfully and fearfully made brings me delight because I receive it. I have wrestled with God enough to have come to believe it in the deepest places of my being. He wants to restore in us the ability to receive and to give by being.
Coming to this place has taken me out of the kitchen and put me at the feet of my Savior. I am aware of the presence of the Holy Spirit....because I am able to receive. I no longer need to call on the Lord and run to Him, I just know He is always here. I am quicker to love because His healing hand gives me a foundation in which receiving and responding has been practiced and affirmed. I am now able to respond to the Father as the woman He created me to be.

A beautiful picture of a confident woman of God responding to His spirit. The flags allowing her to capture more of Him through the wind that breathes life into the creation around her. He exhales and she inhales. He gives and she responds. He creates and she receives.