I suppose there are always times in my (our) life when allowing yourself to be vulernable will lead to a painful situation. I have friends, family members, and lovers that come and go with the seasons of my life. As I look back these have been decision in my control for the most part; until recently. Few times in my life have I been the one standing at the door watching my love drive away; today that reality sets in.
Good close friends can't possibly stay close always. Things change, people get married, have children, move or find new jobs.
How do you know you matter to someone? How do you feel, connect and trust without wearing myself or them out? Trusting feels like I am giving myself away. Connecting feels like an opened door to unwarranted pain. Feeling traps my thoughts as undefinable.
What I have done is left first. Close down. Pull away. Put myself in the situation where I am in control. I get to decided when the friendship is redefined; it is on my terms.
*written years ago but REAL today
*written years ago but REAL today
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